PsyPanacea - May 2012

Write to Panacea and you might be answered! We want to wipe that frown off your face. Remember, all askers remain anonymous. Just drop your question into our mailbox, or write to us at salford.psy.hk@gmail.com. The Goddess awaits your worries and woes.

Kristen Pereira

Dear Panacea, 

I feel very depressed every time I go to my Facebook page. I open the IE browser hoping that somebody would write on my wall, or comment on my photos or status updates. Everybody I know has such a lively facebook page. I look at the number of friends I have. I would say it’s about a healthy amount, without strangers or random people. In spite of this, nobody ever talks to me. Does this mean I am a bad person? Am I boring? Why does everybody ignore me? 

-Facebook-ally depressed

Image: wellbeing-spport.com

Dear Facebook-ally depressed, 

Image: facebookloginlogin.com

Image: Mike Wehner

You need to remember that facebook is only a virtual representation of the life people WANT to have. They never report their true life, just the life other people want to see. Don’t try to compare yourself to other people saying that they might be more popular because you don’t know their real life. Try to think about who your real friends are. I’m sure they all care about you. If you are truly depressed with facebook, the simplest thing to do is deactivate your account! Truly go out into the world, hang out with real people, not virtual ones, and you will see the difference. Not everyone has time to praise you on facebook, but of course in real life, they can give their true opinions. You judge yourself too hard. Of course if the same thing happens in reality, then there would be a different solution. Talk to a close friend, someone who you can trust, and ask them for opinions about yourself. Do you seek attention too much? People hesitate to give attention to attention seekers. If so, there may be a few personality tweaks that can fix the problem. All in all, don’t worry. Remember that your facebook friends will never compare to your real ones. Seek them out for a little love once in a while.

Image: cammiedee.wordpress.com

Dear Panacea, 

I just broke up with my girlfriend a month ago. I find myself constantly filled with the urge to look her up on facebook and just check on her. About 20% of the time, it’s just about her home, or school, or some cute photos with her girl friends. However, I can describe it as ‘it burns me’ to see her posing with a guy, even though I know they’re just friends, or a mutual friend of ours. It’s making me really depressed. She seems so happy without me, and I can’t seem to move on. 

I also jump at the opportunity to take photos with my classmates who are girls or friends, just so that I can prove to her that I’m happy too. In reality, I am suffering. What can I do to get over this urge to check her profile? 

-Fb Ex Stalker

Dear Fb Ex Stalker,

Listen to yourself in the second part of your letter. You jump at the opportunity...to prove to her that you’re happy too. She does it too! Remember that facebook only displays her happy moments, or her exaggerated happy moments. You never know how she truly is. Maybe she’s trying to show you too that she’s fine without you. It’s her way of taking revenge. Why don’t you try to get yourself to block her? It would be the best remedy. 

Photo: news.discovery.com

But if you’re not strong enough, or have social pressures, here’s a tip for stopping yourself from looking at her facebook page, and maybe to stop thinking of her altogether. Psychologists call your sickness the ‘White Bear Effect’ (DiSalvo, 2012). This is, the more you tell yourself not to think of something, the more you think of it. Whenever you think of your ex, stop yourself by reminding yourself why she’s your ex. Usually after a breakup, we only remember the good memories and hide away the bad ones. Remind yourself of the reasons you broke up in the first place. Turn your attention to more important things, like finding someone better for yourself. Maybe even on facebook? ;) 

References:

DiSalvo, David. "Science-Based Strategies for Getting Over Your Ex | Psychology Today." Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Apr. 2012. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201202/science-based-strategies-getting-over-your-ex.