Dear Readers,
I was so glad when I was invited to join the family of Psycholic and given the chance to manage my own column. It was always a dream of mine to become a Psycholic Editor since the very first issue of Psycholic was published. However, I never carried on with the plan as pressure from university and new study environments caught up with me. Fortunately, now I have the chance to be an editor of a psychology newsletter and I will make good use of this opportunity by sharing and applying knowledge. Welcome to The Pickpocket.
Jason Lam
Editor of The Pickpocket
About The Pickpocket
As you see, the column you are reading is The Pickpocket. From now on, every installment of this column will teach you how to steal, as the name of the column suggests. It teaches you to steal one thing; not money or credit cards, but something more valuable. You will learn to steal the thoughts in people’s mind. Also, as a pickpocket, sometimes you need to work with the help of tools. You will be equipped with tools for detecting lies. In this column, I will use as much scientific evidence as I can so you can make sure that the non-verbal behavior (NVB) that you study about in this column is based upon actual scientific research.
The Importance of Knowing Non-verbal Behavior
In the following installments, I will introduce different NVB of different parts of our body, from our eyes to our feet with explanations of psychology in contemporary contexts, including social issues. For example, how politicians react under social pressure after some damaging news about them are released or discovered.
The goals of psychology are to describe, explain, predict and control observable behavior. We try to describe behavior by words, explain why there is such behavior, predict what kind of behavior is carried out and try to control it. Some people say it is not easy to read people or even detect lies. Indeed, it is not easy for them because they do not observe clearly but only see roughly and underestimate what people’s behavior represents. If those people always hold the thoughts and do not believe that behavior can be explained scientifically and systematically, although they try so hard to learn it, they cannot learn it well.
Why do we need so much time to practice trying to know more about what others’ think about and how they feel? It is because of our curiosity and safety. We are interested in others’ emotions, thoughts and the facts hidden behind them. By discovering them, we gain advantages in a lot of areas including occupational and interpersonal relationships. Example number one; You are an employee and you want to butter your boss up, but sadly you fail to recognise some hidden anger and tension in your boss. Soon enough, you become the object of his anger displacement. Plan failed. There goes your favor. Example number two; your girlfriend looks happy, but disaster will strike if you underestimate her NVB that is, as she is smiling, she touches her neck. Trust me, you will have a fight with your girlfriend very soon.
The Introduction of Principles, Reading NVB
Now that you know how important it is to know others’ thoughts, whether you want a clearer picture of a situation or a better relationship.
We cannot form conclusions only by observing a person’s behavior because there is a lot of variety of individual differences, background influences etc. So I am going to introduce a total ten principles for you to learn how to read NVB step by step before I actually teach you how to:
No.1 － Not Only See, But Observe.
The famous character from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s detective fiction, Sherlock Holmes, said “You see, but you don’t observe”. In response, those people usually say “I cannot see anything from others and this is too difficult for me to read others.” In actual, they see but they just don’t observe clearly. Details are at the very core of reading NVB.
There are distinct differences between seeing and observing. In order to read people’s behavior, sometimes we only have a quick look at them with our eyes. This is called ‘seeing’. Usually, we do not pay too much attention to them. But, observing needs attention and a top-down approach in which you look for details with a particular goal in mind, in this case, decoding their faces.
Generally how we start to enhance our observation ability is to focus. For a start, you can try to focus on others’ faces. When you are taking public transport or when you are waiting for someone, try to observe the faces of the people around you. Of course if someone finds you are staring at him, he will probably get annoyed. For myself, I always target those people who are talking on phones, as they are so distracted by their conversation and pay less attention to their surroundings. That will give you a better chance to make good observations.
Finally, you need an objective to provide you motivation to practice your ability. There are six universal expressions found by Ekman: happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger and surprise. You have till the next issue of Psycholic to learn how to observe these six expressions people have when they are talking in the phone. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, just observe and guess.
Next installment I will write about the principle No.2 －The background is also important
Practice makes perfect!
Pick their thoughts! They cannot hide their expression from your eyes!
We cannot form conclusions only by observing a person’s behavior because there is a lot of variety of individual differences, background influences etc. So I am going to introduce a total ten principles for you to learn how to read NVB step by step before I actually teach you how to:
No.1 － Not Only See, But Observe.
The famous character from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s detective fiction, Sherlock Holmes, said “You see, but you don’t observe”. In response, those people usually say “I cannot see anything from others and this is too difficult for me to read others.” In actual, they see but they just don’t observe clearly. Details are at the very core of reading NVB.
There are distinct differences between seeing and observing. In order to read people’s behavior, sometimes we only have a quick look at them with our eyes. This is called ‘seeing’. Usually, we do not pay too much attention to them. But, observing needs attention and a top-down approach in which you look for details with a particular goal in mind, in this case, decoding their faces.
Generally how we start to enhance our observation ability is to focus. For a start, you can try to focus on others’ faces. When you are taking public transport or when you are waiting for someone, try to observe the faces of the people around you. Of course if someone finds you are staring at him, he will probably get annoyed. For myself, I always target those people who are talking on phones, as they are so distracted by their conversation and pay less attention to their surroundings. That will give you a better chance to make good observations.
Finally, you need an objective to provide you motivation to practice your ability. There are six universal expressions found by Ekman: happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger and surprise. You have till the next issue of Psycholic to learn how to observe these six expressions people have when they are talking in the phone. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, just observe and guess.
Next installment I will write about the principle No.2 －The background is also important
Practice makes perfect!
Pick their thoughts! They cannot hide their expression from your eyes!
Jason Lam
References:
Doyle, A. C. (1986). A study in scarlet ; The hound of the Baskervilles. Pleasantville, N.Y.: Reader's Digest Association
Doyle, A. C. (1986). A study in scarlet ; The hound of the Baskervilles. Pleasantville, N.Y.: Reader's Digest Association
Ekman, P. (1994). Strong evidence for universals in facial expressions: A reply to russells mistaken critique. Psychological Bulletin, 115(2), 268-287
Navarro, J., &Karlins, M. (2009).What every BODY is saying an ex-FBI agent's guide to speed reading people (Kindle ed.). S.I.: William Morrow Paperbacks
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