PsyPanacea - Jan 2012

Write to Panacea and you might be answered! We want to wipe that frown off your face. Remember, all askers remain anonymous. Just drop your question into our mailbox, or write to us at salford.psy.hk@gmail.com. The Goddess awaits your worries and woes.

Kristen Pereira

Dear readers, 

On the 19th of December, severe tropical storm Washi hit the Philippines. It claimed hundreds of lives and affected countless others. This month, I would like to dedicate my column to the victims and their families and offer sincere condolences. May they call find peace and recovery. And to all my friends and readers, warmth for the winter, a late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Dear Panacea, 

This whole month has been a complete nightmare. I feel totally exhausted, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. All I feel like doing is crawling into bed and hiding from my BIG pile of work to look into! I leave home at 7:30 a.m. every morning and come back at around 11 p.m. I feel drained of energy. I have too many things to do (none of which I can quit) and because I have to multitask, I can’t do any of them perfectly. Eventually, I just feel like giving up. Is there any way I can stay motivated so that I can finish everything I start? 

-Busy Burning-out

Dear Busy Burning-out,

STOP RIGHT THERE. You sound like you have way too much on your plate! If you’re working more than 12 hours a day at this age, when are you going to enjoy life? My worst fear is that you’re on a long, hard road to burnout. What you need, is a scare. Trust me, you don’t want to end up ‘burnt out’. You might have to deal with symptoms such as physical pains, loss of appetite or overeating (which means more weight!) and anger or irritability. Not to mention you won’t be able to concentrate on any one task (which is what you mentioned), and this might just mean instead of trying to prove that you’re the best at everything you attempt, you will be the best at nothing, leaving you de-motivated. Burnout can also leave you feeling emotionless. You won’t feel like participating in anything and shying away from the world (in your own words, ‘crawling under the sheets’). The most important thing you need to learn is to say ‘No!’. Don’t take up too much work. Take it slow and re-evaluate your priorities. Take a short vacation. Remember, you don’t need to prove you can do a million things. You can prove your ability equally by doing just one task to the best that you can. Take it easy.  

Dear Panacea, 

I asked my insecure boyfriend a question the other day. “If you ever thought I was having an affair, would you think of hiring a detective?”. His reply was almost instant. “Well...let me put it this way. I won’t tell you that I wouldn’t hire a detective”. And then I knew...he was never going to trust me, despite all my efforts for the rest of my life. I do everything in my power to prove my loyalty to him, but nothing seems to work. I’m just worried that he’ll never fully trust me. I need to find some way to combat his insecurities. Is there some way you could help me?

-Distrusted Damsel in Distress

Dear Distrusted, 

You need to be patient. I can only guess that something has happened to your boyfriend that has made him the way he is today. If you are sure of your relationship, then you need practice. You need to gain his trust, not expecting instant results. I can only offer a few tips to help you along the way. The most important thing is eye-contact. When you talk to him, look at him straight in the eyes, no matter how small the issue is. Do not underestimate non-verbal communication. Next, show a little more skin. I don’t mean too much. For example, baring forearms and palms. ‘Shedding’ and letting him in, quite literally, let him know you trust him, and in turn gains his trust. Mind you, I do not know what culture you belong to, so I can’t say for sure whether this might be a good one. You must do your research. Also, when you give your word. keep it. Be consistent. If you say you’ll have dinner with him tonight, do so. Don’t cancel if you can avoid it. Don’t break your promises. And never ever lie! Always tell the truth, even when it’s bitter. Talk more, give more information than you need to. Prove that you have nothing to hide. Always mention details. These are a few general tips to build a stronger relationship with trust. Be patient. Give him no reason to doubt you, and if he does, please forgive him. Give him time, he’ll come around. Good luck!

References:

For Question 1:
Sarkis, D. S. (n.d.). Running on Empty? How to Recognize When You're on the Road to Burnout | Psychology Today. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. Retrieved December 30, 2011, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201101/running-empty-how-recognize-when-youre-the-road-burnout

For Question 2:

How To Get People To Trust You Page 2 of 2 - Forbes.com. (n.d.). Information for the World's Business Leaders - Forbes.com. Retrieved December 30, 2011, from http://www.forbes.com/2006/09/25/trust-relationships-confidence-tech_cx_ll_06trust_0925tips_2.html