PsyPanacea - Jul 2012

Write to Panacea and you might be answered! We want to wipe that frown off your face. Remember, all askers remain anonymous. Just drop your question into our mailbox, or write to us at salford.psy.hk@gmail.com. The Goddess awaits your worries and woes.

Kristen Pereira

Dear Panacea,  

Image: tomdownload.com

My husband’s mahjong habit is really killing the romance. We do talk...once a day, at the dinner table. But other than that, travelling, weekends, bedtime, he’s always playing! (it’s also on his phone, making it easier to play everywhere he goes). We never sleep at the same time anymore, he comes in 3 hours after I’m asleep. We never watch TV together, or have a nice dinner. He keeps denying his addiction. How do I help him?  

-Worried Wife

Dear Worried Wife, 

Photo: shanghaiist.com

Work from the very core of the issue. Addiction is a cover to hide a much larger, deeper-rooted problem, mainly stress. Playing mahjong helps him to de-stress. Have you been fighting lately? Is he having financial worries? A tough time at work that he isn’t talking to you about? If you don’t want to ask him directly, observe him or ask his friends. Try to find the source of his worries.  

The second part of the solution is finding a less harmful alternative to mahjong. Of course the hardest part would be getting him to admit his addiction. Don’t do this directly. Hint at his agitation when he doesn’t play, or at his excuses, tell him that you just earnestly want to help and that you wouldn’t judge him. 

Also know that you cannot work alone. If the problem gets progressively worse and is really affecting your relationship, don’t wait till the last moment. Get professional help as soon as possible.

Dear Panacea,  

Photo: lettersfromthesoul.com

I’ve been married for 2 years now. I feel like my spouse and me are already growing apart and this worries me. I love my partner very much but in others’ opinion about relationship cool off that this is normal for couples. I wonder how we can spend the next 50 years of our lives together. How do I make my married life more romantic?  

-Barren Love Life 

 

Dear Barren Love Life,

Here are a few tips on making your relationship more interesting and re-kindling your love.

• Go on dinner dates, go out together, make time for each other, alone. Remember when you used to be dating? Carry on those same activities.
• Say ‘I love you’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when needed. A lot of couples take each other for granted.
• E-mail, text, talk when you can. Send caring messages and keep in touch. It really shows you still miss and care for each other.
• Let go of old grudges, forget old fights and don’t keep bringing them up.
• Spend time together, have meals together when possible, talk in bed.
• Hug. We always forget the magic of a hug.
• Trust each other, even in doubt. Have faith, delegate in all areas of work and home.
• Set goals for yourself.
• Appraisals are necessary to remind yourself how you feel about each other, your needs, your efforts, good and bad.
• Spend time at your home, set up more photographs of good memories and cook together.
• Engage in each other’s hobbies

Photo: jameystegmaier.com

These are sure to bring you closer together. It’s very easy to grow apart and forget your love. It’s good you’re working now and you will positively be together for many years to come.

References:

Q1:

Gambling Addiction and Problem Gambling: Signs, Help, and Treatment. (n.d.). Helpguide helps you help yourself to better mental and emotional health. Retrieved July 1, 2012, from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/gambling_addiction.htm

Q2:

7 Ways to Create More Love In Your Relationship | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. Retrieved July 1, 2012, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201206/7-ways-create-more-love-in-your-relationship