PsyPanacea - Jun 2012

Write to Panacea and you might be answered! We want to wipe that frown off your face. Remember, all askers remain anonymous. Just drop your question into our mailbox, or write to us at salford.psy.hk@gmail.com. The Goddess awaits your worries and woes.

Dear readers,


This month is a special month for my mom. With a huge event coming up in her life, she has showed me how to still come forth as a strong, successful woman. It’s really great to have a mom like her. So this month’s article is dedicated to my mom and to all moms. Mother’s day has past, but it’s not too late to celebrate having a mom. Cheers Mom!

-Kristen Pereira

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Panacea,

Photo: health.howstuffworks.com

My only daughter is about to leave home, and already my life is different. I can’t stop thinking about how lonely I will become after she’s gone. Nothing will be the same anymore. It’s the ‘empty nest syndrome’, and it’s driving me insane. Nobody except me is reacting this way. My husband seems to be pretty okay with it. I am just dreading her leaving this home although I do accept it’s time for her to move on. How do I cope with this situation?

-Momma bird

Dear Momma bird,

Ah yes, the empty nest syndrome. There are actually a few tips that can help you to cope. Your husband seems to be doing fine, so take him as an example. I think he has come to realize that this is it, this is her time to leave. You are focusing on the wrong details. Don’t focus on what will happen when she leaves home, but try to focus more on what you can do to help her, and also yourself.

You can help yourself by finding new activities to do to fill in your schedule. You could try exercising, spa, reading, basically all those hobbies that many stressful years of being a mom did not allow you to do.

Photo: EmmausCounseling.net

If you look at it in a positive way, you are not losing anything, but gaining time for yourself, to focus on the bigger things in life. It’s also a good time to reconnect with your husband. If you have extra love to give, give it to him, he deserves it. Also, remember that you are going to need a lot of support throughout these few months after your daughter has left. Don’t stick to yourself, open up, first to your husband, because he is most likely to understand you best, and second to friends and family.

Remember that your daughter isn’t gone forever. You will still be able to phone her, video calls and visits. In this new age of technology, the world is tiny. But be careful not to overdo it. Remember, your daughter is leaving home for a reason. She does not necessarily want home following her. So if you find yourself calling too often, cut back and remind yourself that it is time to let her become the truly extraordinary person she was meant to be.

Dear Panacea,

I’m a busy working mom. I have two young kids. My husband works too. Lately it has been difficult to keep the whole act together. When I’m making dinner the baby cries, when the baby cries my husband is hungry and when my husband is hungry I feel guilty and then I get a call from work reminding me about a deadline and while the baby stops crying, my husband gets upset and starts a fight with me and as soon as we start shouting the baby wakes again!!!  Leaving work is not an option as my husband and I need to save money. What should I do to stop myself from going crazy?

-Multitasking mom

Dear multitasking mom,

I have two suggestions for you to make your life a lot easier. The good thing is that this stage is only temporary, as your children won’t be babies forever. This is just a phase that will be over soon.

Photo: mylinkage.com

For now, take heed. You are a married woman, not a loner. Have you talked to your husband about this recently? He needs to pitch it. A bit of social loafing can go a long way.

As for you, try to be more organized. For example, don’t cook fresh food everyday if you don’t have the time to. If you cook a few days in advance, you can leave it in the fridge and label it. In this way your husband can just pick what he likes and microwave it. A lot of working women do it. Also, if you have office work to take care of, do it in advance, while travelling or any time you get free. Having said that, don’t think that you need to work every minute of the day. Take some time out if you can. Try meditating, or hot showers or even yoga. Soon your kids will be off to kindergarten and then it will get a bit easier, from there if you’d like to see it that way. Don’t worry! You’ll be a great mom.

References:
Q1.
Empty nest syndrome: Tips for coping - MayoClinic.com. (n.d.). Mayo Clinic. Retrieved June 2, 2012, from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome/MY01976/NSECTIONGROUP=2 
Q2.
Seltzer, L. F., & Ph.D.. (n.d.). Can Working Moms Have Balance? | Psychology Today. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. Retrieved June 1, 2012, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201205/stress-nine-five/can-working-moms-have-balance  

Kaufman, S. B., & Ph.D.. (n.d.). A New Way to Combat Workplace Stress | Psychology Today. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. Retrieved June 3, 2012, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201205/stress-nine-five/new-way-combat-workplace-stress